Welcome to the fifth edition of Sabbath Sessions!
I fell off the wagon over the last two weeks when sending this newsletter.
Fell off the wagon.
As I titled this newsletter I immediately became curious about the origin of that phrase.
Long before Prohibition, there was a grassroots movement to temper the perceived evils of alcohol. Organizations like the Anti-Saloon League formed that persuaded members to pledge their eternal sobriety to develop better character and set a good example.
Around the same time, it was common for cities to make use of water carts, or water wagons, which were large water tanks towed by horses. The water was used to moisten dusty streets and not really potable. Because of the prevalence of the tank, it became a kind of reference point for those discussing their commitment to sobriety. People said theyâd sooner drink from the water wagon than accept a stiff drink. That soon evolved into proclaiming that a person was âon the water wagon.â
Once someone hopped on the proverbial water wagon, it followed that a lapse in their devotion would see them fall âoffâ the water wagon. As water wagons began to disappear from sight, it simply became âwagon.â Whether one was on or off described their current approach to drinking. - Source
Now far removed from Prohibition, falling off the wagon is liberally used to describe any lapse in adherence to a âgoodâ habit in favor of a less healthy or beneficial one.
This week Iâm sharing my approach to identifying the why behind the moments I fall off the wagon, and how I use that information to recalibrate my approach.
Emotional Bookends
In my twenties, I conversed with a friend several years older than me. He asked: âwhat do you think your biggest vice is?â
After thinking for a moment, I replied: âI donât know, all of them?â
I have a bias for experiences. I seek them out, rarely in half-measures or on the periphery of curiosity. Interest becomes an obsession in a split second. When those experiences give me the dopamine hit I crave, I hunker down to attempt to live in them as long as possible before going back to âreal life.â
Youâve probably met me in your life. The person who always suggests ordering another drink, watching one more episode, or staying up a little longer. My wife said it perfectly this week when we were having lunch with our eldest son:
âDad is never going to be the person to suggest ending an eveningâ
Left unchecked, life can become a daisy chain of high-stimulation events that hijack our brain chemistry and self-perpetuate. Iâm comfortable admitting Iâve been in that cycle numerous times, and avoiding it begins by recognizing the emotional bookends that drive that behavior.
So what exactly is an emotional bookend? It is the state of being where both a positive or negative emotional response leads to a defined behavior. In essence, its a trap of our own design.
For example:
I just signed a huge deal; letâs grab a drink to celebrate!
We just lost a major client this week, I need a drink.
Regardless of the emotional direction, my mind is wiring my perception of events towards the subconscious endgame of drinking.
I ate really clean this week, I can smash these donuts today.
My diet has been a disaster; I might as well keep it going and reset Monday.
Instead of focusing my intent on making the healthiest choice and allowing myself the grace to experience the highs and lows of life, I become imprisoned in reactivity.
This is the essence of my absence over the last two weeks.
I donât have anything valuable to say.
I love this idea but donât want to communicate it imperfectly; it needs time.
Whether I feel wholly uncreative or believe I have something of value, I merely design an arrival at the convenient behavior of avoiding the vulnerability of writing and publishing.
Stepping back and recognizing where I am creating these bookends is an exercise I perform often in order to break routines and habits that are suboptimal.
In the interest of brevity, I have shared three examples, but that is hardly an exhaustive expression of this techniqueâs application. What habits can you identify emotional bookends for? Let me know either in the comments or email/DM!
Affirmations and Recommendations
A huge word of appreciation to my dear friend Aubrey Sitterson for immediately texting me the afternoon of my first missed newsletter: âwhereâs Sabbath Sessions?â Aubrey is by far the most prolific writer I know, and if you have an interest in comics or just good storytelling in general, check him out HERE
Jen Vermet has been mentioned in my newsletter before, and Iâm joyfully going back to the well again this week. Her five ideas about keeping promises to ourselves are outstanding and were super convicting during my mini-hiatus.
Shredded to the gills dad-god Matt Tillotson has also been referenced previously, and this week he wrote about writing through a shifting period in life. If you are struggling with creative output, his succinct words may be as valuable to you as they were to me.
Aubrey On Writing
Iâm ending this weekâs newsletter with a quote from my friend Aubrey. This is taken from a 2017 interview, and not only articulates the deep merits of writing, but in following any creative expression.
ââŠYou become intrinsically linked with what you create, and perhaps most importantly, in philosophical terms, as itâs incredibly satisfying to know that you brought something valuable into the world on your own, on your own terms.â
Thank you for reading, have a joyful week, and I will see you next Sunday! Please feel free to share it with someone else if you enjoyed this newsletter!
Iâd love to connect more! So follow me @beingdustin, and letâs chat!